Style Exercises

Andrew's:

As the class bell rings I lift my head up from my arms, which as a pillow on top of my wood desk. I have just missed my entire seventh period history class due to sleep, and we have a test tomorrow. As a million different things are rushing through my head, such as guilt, fear, and anxiety, my friend next to me nudges me and says he has all the notes for me if I want them. I was so happy I nearly hugged him; this is what true friendship is really about.

As the class bell rings, my head rises from my pillow arms. Just missed my entire seventh period history class, knowing there is a test tomorrow. As a million different things are felt, such as guilt, fear, and anxiety, a friend close nudges and says he has a copy of the notes. Excited as can be, a hug almost comes about; this is what true friendship is really about.

Haley's:
 

Twelve years later, I no longer needed the assistance of my mother’s physical strength to perform a task. I was a fifteen-year-old girl who had the mentality of a grown adult ready to conquer the world. In this snapshot, I can still feel the tip of my nose becoming numb from the twenty-degree temperature, as I breathe in the crisp, clean Colorado air. My snow-covered arm, weighing twice as much from the layers and layers of thick ski apparel, is wrapped around my best friend, Kaitlin. As we stand there, having to force our numb muscles to make the best smile that we can manage, we can’t help but double over in laughter moments after the picture is taken. The over cast sky allows little sunlight to embrace us in warmth, but that doesn’t stop us from racing down the snow covered mountain at full speed. In that very moment, the adrenaline my body holds from skiing over rides any uncomfort I might be feeling otherwise. I dash into the white-blanketed pine trees, losing sight of people just long enough to feel completely at ease and free, before I appear back into the open mountain and rejoin Kaitlin, ready for any obstacle that may lay ahead.

 

Twelve years later, the assistance of my mother’s physical strength was no longer needed to perform a task. In this snapshot, the tip of my nose can still be felt becoming numb from the twenty-degree temperature, as the crisp, clean Colorado is inhaled through my mouth. The current struggle was battling thick ski apparel which caused my snow covered arm to weigh twice as much. As we stand there, having to force our numb muscles to make the best smile that we can manage, we can't help but double over in laughter moments after the picture is taken. The over cast sky allows little sunlight to embrace our bodies in warmth, but that doesn't stop us from racing down the snow covered mountain at full speed. In that very moment, the self adrenaline from skiing over rides any discomfort that would be felt otherwise. Dashing into the white-blanketed pine trees allows me to lose sight of people just long enough to feel completely at ease and free before appearing back into the open mountain and rejoining Kaitlin.

 

 

I chose mine and Haley's versions of the "Impersonal or Distant 'I'" because I was interested in not only that we picked the same exercise to do, but also with our similarities and differences within the paragraphs. We both eliminated as many "I's" as possible from our paragraphs, leaving us with the passive voice or with reconstructed sentences. We also both chose to keep "my" in our paragraphs, still keeping the possession to us, but changing how the actions are performed. A difference though is that Haley chose a longer paragraph to edit. With this longer paragraph she introduces another character, as do I, but she keeps her there, which caused me confusion without "I", because I sometimes lost who the subject really was. Overall, I enjoy that we both picked the same exercise because it allows not only me, but her as well, to read each other's and see where we can improve and where we can help another's writing.