Style Exercise

Exercise #: 5

Original:

Walkersville was my town.  Walkersville is my town.  Since I was six years old until I was sixteen years old and every summer and school break after that this is where I had lived.  Neighbors on either side.  Watching the same kids on the street grow up before your eyes.  I can still walk in the one grocery store in town and know everyone walking around.  This is the town that I love.  Everyone always says home is where your heart is, and my heart will always be here.  My best friend, Zachary, and I grew up with bonfires and s’mores and soon graduated to bonfires and beers.  Our parents are best friends.  We’re best friends—sometimes more.  At the end of the day, they’re my family.  They’ll be there for me forever.  St. Timothy’s right down the road.  This church has seen me through everything.  From my first communion to me stumbling in half drunk/half hung-over after waking up next to a stranger from the house party the night before.  I’d pray and think all my sins were all forgiven and then rush home to get ready for the next party later that night.  Church every Sunday morning, but getting drunk and wild every night.

New:

Walkersville is a town that many people were blessed enough to grow up in.  Small, yes, but everyone loved it--for the most part.  Growing up there was amazing.  There were neighbors on either side and the kids in the neighborhood grew up right before your eyes,  Anyone can walk in the one grocery store in town and know everyone.  Zachary sat with me by bonfires as our treats transformed to beers as the years passed.  His family is my family.  The church down the road had everyone packed in on Sunday mornings.  Whether it was routine or you were repenting the sins you made the night before.  Going to church on Sunday morning, but going to party every other night.

I chose exercise #5 because the paper that we're writing is all about us. Although this is true, it is also good to get the point of who we are throughout the paper without making it directly all about us. It makes the paper more relatable.