Blog #3

Group Member 1: Andrew Werner

Exercise #: 4

Original:

I walk across that stage, knowing that this will be my last memory of Jesuit High School. My four years here have really flown by, faster than anyone told me they would, so here I am about to receive my diploma. I can say I am happy, knowing that I have succeeded at one of the toughest high schools in the city, and that a new journey awaits me. But I’m primarily upset: lost as to where all the time went, sad that I don’t have another four years here, disappointed I won’t be able to see my brothers everyday again. Leaving this place is like leaving my second home, one that has helped me to be the man I am today, one I will never forget.

A. He walks across that stage, knowing this will be his last memory of Jesuit High School. His four years here have really flown by, faster than anyone told him they would, so here he is about to receive his diploma. He can say he is happy, knowing that he has succeeded at one of the toughest high schools in the city, and that a new journey awaits him. But he is primarily upset: lost as to where all the time went, sad that he doesn’t have another four years here, disappointed he won’t be able to see his brothers everyday again. Leaving this place is like leaving his second home, one that has helped him to be the man he is today, one he will never forget.  

B. We walk across that stage, knowing that this will be our last memory of Jesuit High School. Our four years here have really flown by, faster than anyone told us they would, so here we are about to receive my diploma. We can say we are happy, knowing that we have succeeded at one of the toughest high schools in the city, and that a new journey awaits us. But we are primarily upset: lost as to where all the time went, sad that we don’t have another four years here, disappointed we won’t be able to see our brothers everyday again. Leaving this place is like leaving our second home, one that has helped us to be the men we are today, one we will never forget.

I chose excercise #4 of Andrews because this exercise was a great way to change up a paragraph in a way that was still easy to understand but was outside the norm of a first person paper. For me, writing in first person is easiest because that is what I have had the most practice and experience doing. So writing in first person in the beginning and then going back to revise was a great way of approaching it.